Mirror Mirror
by maailma-rahu
Summary: Set in the time of the Marauders a girl with a life threatening problem befriends Lily.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The basic principles and all of the actual brilliance belongs to J.K.R - the rest is just me making a social statement

_She glanced in the mirror at her reflection.  
What she found there was far from perfection_

_From the poem "Wasted Youth"_

June

I'm obsessed with mirrors. Every time I walk past one, I can't help but look into

it. What I see disgusts me: an ugly face on an obese body. I have a plain face with dull

dirty blond hair and boring brown eyes, but that's not the worst of it.

My body is bigger than a beluga whale. I hate the way my arms jiggle

when I move, and how skin bulges from under my chin. My thighs are so

huge I feel like I'm going to sink into the floor. They're thunder thighs – disgusting. I have skin hanging of the edge of my jeans I can hardly bear to look at it. Stretch marks scar the sides of my waist, and I've never even been through pregnancy. My hips carry more fat than bone or muscle. They're wider than my shoulders, which are wide enough as it is.

My fingers are stumpy and stout. They're huge masses of fat, just like the

rest of my body. I could never even fit a ring on my pinky finger. But who'd give me a ring anyway? Who'd even dare to look in my direction? My image would only make them vomit.

I have collar bones that are so covered in fat, they aren't visible. A person

would barely be able to tell I even have bones. My cheeks are puffy, like a baby's. They don't do well on my face, which requires narrow, thin cheeks to look even the slightest bit pretty. But I will never be pretty. Never.

I'm nothing more than an ugly face on an obese body. That's all I see

when I look into a mirror. And I always trust what a mirror shows me. After all, a mirror never lies.

July

Mother agrees.

Later

She hasn't said it straightforward, but she's implied it. She keeps talking about this friend's _beautiful_ daughter, or that co-worker's niece with the _perfect_ body. How does she stay so fit, Mom would like to know. And, don't you think so too Jenny? Wouldn't her tips be useful?

To tell the truth, I'd die to know Mrs. Hafter's niece's tips. I wish I could be that skinny. But wishing is all I'll ever accomplish. I will never be as skinny as Mrs. Hafter's niece.

I've started on a diet. I want to loose twenty pounds.

July- Another day

Mom's hosting this big dinner party for her company so she's sending me to Dad's two weeks early. Dad's upset about it. My parents aren't the type of divorced couples who argue about who's going to have the kid because they want her so much. They argue about who's going to have the kid because they don't want her at all.

But whatever, I'm just glad to get away from Mother's. It's always swarming with beautiful people. I feel like the ugly duckling. The _fat _ugly duckling.

I've been decreasing my proportions, but I've still been eating balanced meals. But I've been staying away from the sugars and fats. I haven't eaten junk food in such a long time. The diet isn't working though. I need to try something new. Something that will produce results.

July – At dad's

What Mother was discreet about, Dad was very direct about. "You're getting fatter," were a few of the first words out of his mouth when he saw me. After that came a serious of insults criticizing my performance in school. Why aren't I on the Quidditch team? Dad is so anxious to get me to join the Quidditch team.

He may have been a great beater in his day, but I'm not meant to fly on a broom. I haven't tried since first year, but that's not the point. Besides, I'm so fat I'd probably weigh the broom down anyway.

July – still

I'm fat. There is no other way to say it. My hips are so wide I probably won't fit through doorways. My arms are simply blubber – no bone whatsoever. My whole body is simply blubber, but especially my thighs. It's seems as if everything I eat goes straight to my thighs.

My new diet is this: a piece of fruit in the morning, salad at lunch, and no dinner. Why do I need to eat dinner? It's unnecessary. It's just another excuse for me to eat and gain weight.

I've been exercising too. I take an hour long jog along the street everyday. I'm very strict about my diet. All I ever have to drink is water. And that doesn't have any calories.

I think I've gained weight. Even on this strict diet I'm as huge as a hippopotamus. No I'm bigger than that. I'm as big as an elephant. I'll just have to exercise more. And no more dressing on the salad

July- When will this stupid month be over?

I've stopped with the dressing and now I'm exercising three hours a day. Hard core exercise too. But still, the results aren't what I'd like them to be. I think I've gained weight. I wonder if there is a weight loss potion. Oh what wonders that would do for me! I'm just going to have to stop eating lunch too. Well, I'll have a piece of fruit. But not a banana. That's too much sugar. I'll have a half of a grapefruit for breakfast and the other half for lunch.

July – ahhhhh

This month is just an extra thirty days on the calendar for me to gain more weight. And I have gained weight. I'm sure of it.

July – stupid Julius Caesar

Dad wants to send me back to Mom's on August 2. She doesn't want me back until August 24. She's hosting a party on the 14th and doesn't need me in the house. The 24th is a bad day for Dad. He can bring me back on the 26th. But that's bad for Mom because she has a lunch date with the Private Practice Healers Club.

Do they ever bother to ask me when I want to go back to Mom's? No, they just figure I don't care. I'm just a doll they can send from place to place. I don't have any feelings. None whatsoever.

I don't want to go back to Mom's at all. She's always pressing me into joining this club at school or that club at school. Or I could help her plan holiday parties when I come home for break. Or I could plan a school dance.

Dad's house is nice and quiet. No one bothers me. I can do whatever I want. No one is constantly hanging over my shoulder. And he has his own lake. It's a good swimming lake. Oh that's brilliant. Swimming burns 350 to 420 calories an hour. I'll start swimming in the lake. I'll use a disillusionment spell so no one sees my ugly body in a bathing suit. I don't think anybody is around, but I'll do it just to be safe. All the fish in the lake will probably swim away when they see me. And I'll make a giant splash when I get in the water.

I wish my parents would let me decide what to do once in a while. They picked my classes for me. And they'll probably pick my career for me.

August- finally

I've decided to stop eating. It's the only way I'll ever loose weight.

August

I'm going back to Mom's on August 20th. I'm not going to be there for the party!

August

I went to Diagon Alley to get my books today. I saw Victoria Hague and Lily Evans. They're both in my year and in my house. They're so skinny and pretty. I'll never be like them. They didn't talk to me. I wonder why (meant with utmost sarcasm).

August – at Mom's

I think I've gained weight. But how can I? I haven't been eating. I feel like crap. No one loves me. Mom doesn't, Dad doesn't, no one does.

August – school starts soon and I'll get out of this hell

I have this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wish I could get rid of it, but I don't know how. I've tried a few spells, but none of them have worked. I feel awful.

August – 3 days until school.

Oh only 3 days left. Three gloomy, depressing, miserable days.

August – 2 days

I don't want to go back to school looking like this. I'm so fat. I don't want people to see me. Only two people will pay attention to me. My friends: Alexis Boroughs and Paige Lapointe. But I don't really think they are my friends. They always exclude me and haven't contacted me all summer. They probably don't want to talk to me because I'm so fat.

At least I'll get out of Mom's. I can be invisible at Hogwarts. I've done it before. In third year for two months when Paige and Alexis weren't talking to me. I'll be invisible. That's it. I'll survive through my ability to be invisible.

August – 1 day

It's finally school time. I've been isolated from people my age for so long I don't know how I'll cope back in civilization.

My biggest worry is how people are going to view me. I know I'll be excluded from groups because of my weight. No one wants to walk around in the company of an elephant.

I think I'm gaining weight from water. It's the only reasonable explanation. I haven't been eating anything. I'll admit I had a peach yesterday, but it was only one peach. I must be gaining weight from that one peach. Or from the water.

September. – at school

I sat alone on the train. All I did was read my text books. Lily Evans came in for a minute to say hi and tell me to change into my robes. She was nice. To me. It must be because she pities me for being so fat and not having any friends.

I was right about Paige and Alexis. They didn't talk to me at all. I went to say hi, but they didn't even look at me. They probably couldn't bear looking at my horrible body.

Last year the feast looked so tempting and I couldn't help, but to eat everything. This year it looked repulsing. Not even the smells were good. I'm proud I can control myself around food. I sat alone. I didn't put any food on my plate.

When we got back to the dormitories, Victoria told me I looked unhealthy. It's probably because I'm so fat. Obesity is unhealthy. Then she said something unexpected. She said we should be friends. Lily isn't sleeping in our dormitory this year and Victoria is all alone. She doesn't like Paige and Alexis. I didn't know how to respond. I just nodded and went to sleep.

If I am going to be friends with Victoria I'll have to loose a lot of weight. Victoria is to pretty and thin to be friends with someone fat and ugly like me. I'll have to work a lot harder to loose weight now that Victoria wants to be friends with me. Even if she does only want to be my friend because she feels bad for me.

School – day one

I woke up early this morning and went for a jog from the school to the Quidditch pitch and back. Twice. I skipped breakfast. Then I took a shower in the Quidditch locker rooms. I didn't want anyone to see me come out of the shower. And no one was in the Quidditch locker rooms. It was perfect.

Victoria asked me where I was during breakfast during Transfiguration – which we have first. I told her I went early then I went to the library to study. Lily said she was in the library too, but she didn't see me. I didn't know what to say so I shrugged. Lily and Victoria exchanged glances. They probably talk about me behind my back. Still, it's nice to have someone to talk to. Even if they don't sincerely like me.

Did I mention that Lily wanted to be friends with me too? I have two friends now. But they are nicer then Paige and Alexis. I had always thought Victoria and Lily would be rude because they were pretty, but they aren't. Paige and Alexis are much meaner than Victoria and Lily. And Paige and Alexis were more shallow and materialistic too. They were always saying how skinny people were and insinuated that I was fat. It made me really self conscious.

Sometimes I wish Victoria and Lily would tell me I was fat. I think that would help me be more determined to loose weight. But they don't. They don't even seem to care about weight. They **never **talk about weight. For a while I thought they didn't care about weight. But that was stupid. **Everybody**cares about weight.

School – day two

I wish I hadn't come back to school. There are so many people who are skinny and pretty here. So many people to look down upon me because of my weight. So many people to compare myself to. I hate it. I feel even fatter than I did at home.

In some ways it's good that there are so many skinny beautiful people here. It motivates me to become skinnier. I work out a lot. But I wish I could just be invisible until I was skinny.

I hate the teachers. They're constantly watching us. It's so annoying

September

I feel bad letting Victoria and Lily talk to someone like me. I've lost my period. Am I pregnant? I can't possibly be. I'm a virgin. I'll have to check anyway. There's a potion I'll use to find out.

September

I'm not pregnant. But I'm cold. Victoria and Lily don't think it's cold. But I think it is freezing.

Lily told me I was really skinny today. I was so pleased with myself so I ate a yogurt at lunch. I think I gained weight from it. I wish Lily hadn't said it. I'm going to get so fat now.

All I want is to be skinny. That's all I really want. To be skinny. If I'm skinny I'll be happy. So all I want is to be skinny.

A/N: A good start? Hopefully. tell me what you think of it. Reviews are always, always loved


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Can't people use a little common sense and figure out by themselves that I'm insanely jealous of JKR's brilliance?

"The best way to lose weight is to develop an orthodox belief in some religion that doesn't allow any fun"

Gregory Nunn

September – almost October

Running during breakfast has become a daily routine. No one joins me in the showers afterward either. It's refreshing to my brain. I know running burns calories. I'll loose weight quicker this way.

October – at last

Lily was asked out by James Potter again. I don't know why she keeps refusing him. He's quite good looking. Lily says it's because he's a pompous ass, but I don't think so. Then again I've never talked to him. Lily and Victoria don't like the Marauders, though I think Victoria is a bit less against them than Lily is.

They've both talked to the Marauders. The Marauders never talked to me. I'm not pretty enough. That's why I don't understand Lily. If someone as good looking and popular as James asked me out I'd say yes in a second. I wonder if that makes me desperate.

Not that a James would ever ask me out. They only like the pretty skinny girls – not people like me.

October

I wonder if I'm getting skinnier. I haven't noticed any significant weight gain, but I haven't noticed any weight loss either. I wish I would notice something. That way if I was gaining weight I'd know to exercise more. I guess I'll just have to depend on the mirrors. They never lie.

Hogsmeade weekend is coming this Friday. Lily is going with James. After all the things she said about him I surprised she chose him. It's not like she didn't have other options. Unlike me. I've never been on a date. I'm not going to Hogsmeade with anyone.

Neither is Victoria though. She said she'll be spending some time with Remus and the rest of his friends. It seems like she likes him. He is too quiet. It scares me. Mostly because quiet people seem to notice other quiet people. I don't want him to notice me. I like being invisible. When I'm invisible no one sees how fat it is.

Victoria says she only likes Remus as a friend. I don't think Victoria would lie about something like that. If she says she doesn't like him I'll believe her.

Sometime later

Hogsmeade was torturous. While James and Lily were out on their date Victoria and I walked around with Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew. Remus had to go home to take care of his mother. Victoria said since we'd made plans with all three of them we couldn't cancel just because Remus wasn't going to be there. Victoria doesn't even like the Marauders. I don't get it.

Anyway, Peter is a dull idiot. All he does is follow Sirius Black around as if he was some minion of Sirius'. Black just makes constant comments that make me more self conscious. He's quite good looking, but that's all he cares about – in anyone.

I'm not pretty enough for Black. And I'm certainly too fat for him. What an ass!

Victoria tried to incorporate me in their conversations, but I knew I shouldn't say anything. I would just bring attention to myself and my fat.

I look slightly less fat from my right side. I made sure I always stood on the left so that no one would have to look at my fatter and therefore uglier side. Of course when I can stand in back of everyone I do.

Why is Peter not bothered by being chubby? Isn't everyone bothered by it? He most definitely isn't. All he did when we went to eat was stuff his face with dish after dish. I couldn't bear to watch – it was so disgusting.

Black stuffed his face too, but with a slightly more gentlemanly manner than Peter did. They eat so much. How does Black not get fat? Is it Quidditch? Maybe I should join the Quidditch team. I could loose weight quicker. I must remember to ask someone on the Quidditch team about it.

We went to the Three Broomsticks to spy on Lily and James. Victoria and Sirius laughed at them the entire time. I spent most of my time in the bathroom. I like to stay out of their way. In the bathroom I won't be tempted to eat anything or have a butterbeer. And they won't notice me if I'm not there.

They looked like they were having so much fun, sitting there laughing at Lily and James. But Victoria and Sirius Black are beautiful people. And beautiful people shouldn't be forced to talk to people like me.

October- and not too far in

My spells are weakening. My school work is failing. And I've been sleeping a lot.

I've formed a schedule for myself. Running in the morning instead of breakfast, then showers. Then the library for lunch. And common room for dinner. Then run again when everyone comes up to study.

I still don't know what to tell Lily and Victoria when they ask where I am. Studying, I suppose, _they_ know I'm behind. But I'll come up with something. I've always been good with that.

Running has gotten difficult. I run out of breath and can't make it across the grounds. I have to stop, or pass out.

Later

Tonight, while I was running, I ran into Sirius Black. Not literally. Thank Goodness. If I'd actually run into him he would have noticed how fat I am.

I wonder why Black asked why I was running. He said I didn't need to. He was just trying to make me feel better about myself, I am sure. I didn't respond. I didn't know what to say. He continued running with me. We didn't talk much. There wasn't anything to say.

I tried to keep up with him, but had trouble. I ran out of breath; I was so faint. I had to stop. I tripped over a root and fell, nearly passing out. He stopped and waited for me to get up. Thank god he didn't notice how out of breath I was, or how pale I was.

I lied and told him I hurt my ankle and was going back in. He offered to help. I declined, but he helped anyway. I had to pretend to limp even though I didn't need to. I just needed rest. And I needed to get away from him. He's just so arrogant. I hate him. He's annoying

October – sometime in the middle of the month

Lily woke up early this morning. She asked me to walk down to the Great Hall for breakfast with her. She was going early and knew I "always did." I couldn't refuse without making her suspicious. We walked down to the Great Hall, but we really didn't say much. I mentioned I was tired. It was a good excuse for my silence.

I was so hesitant when we finally got to the Great Hall. She'd noticed before when I didn't eat and made me eat something. And there were so few people in the Hall, she would definitely notice. I couldn't let that happened again. There are too many calories in all the food they serve.

So I talked. A lot. Since I was talking so much I "didn't have time to take a bite." But Lily still noticed. She's so observant! It's going to cause me to gain weight.

"The jam's really good on the toast," she said. "Why don't you try some?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but couldn't think of anything to say. It was such an awkward situation. I didn't know what to do so I took the toast.

"I don't really like jam," I started to say, but I was cut off. Victoria came into the hall, hair in perfect, lovely curls, and took a seat next to us.

As soon as she came down people started filing into the hall. Soon enough the hall was filled and voices were heard from every corner. I didn't have to worry to Lily paying attention to me. James came down and she didn't have time for me anymore. I didn't expect her to. In fact, I was depending on it. It was because of Lily paying attention to James that I didn't have to consume four hundred more calories than I needed.

But right now what I really need is a run. I missed my morning run and that's going to cost me.


End file.
